I might as well be honest when writing this blog. After all, it is a kind of journal and record for me. So here is the truth: despite the lovely sunshine I am feeling really miserable today. Perhaps it is partly because of the sunshine. I am unhappy, very low and cross with myself and my situation.
Today I should have had a counselling session, but I felt too ill to go this morning. When I had sent the text to my counsellor, I could not stop myself bursting into tears. I felt really wretched. It all got too much. It is quite simple: I am utterly fed up with my limited life and I hate myself for the envy I feel towards my friends and family members who are able to do the things I cannot, such as travel and have social interactions. I hate my thoughts and I hate my body, which is letting me down. I am trapped indoors just waiting for….what? To get steadily worse?
On Wednesday, I actually managed to go for a walk around the block and felt so pleased with myself. Then, on Thursday, and today, I have felt really lousy. What an earth can I do?
(Takes a deep shaky breath…)
Right, now that I have had a grump, I will show you the nice outfit that I put on this morning, then took off again about twenty minutes later!
- Cerise silk and cotton round neck top – WoolOvers.
- Cerise silk and cotton round neck cardigan – WoolOvers.
- Indigo cotton jeans – Cotton Traders.
- Cream enamel, crystal and gold Agama earrings – Halcyon Days.
- Cream enamel and gold Byzantine bangle – Halcyon Days.
- Cream and eau de nil enamel, and gold Agama bangle – Halcyon Days.
- Silk scarf, 90cm, in aqua, cream, purple, pink and green – Peacocks in Tropical Garden – Ferragamo. Tied in a cowboy cowl knot. This is my favourite Ferragamo scarf and the colours are so cheerful (probably why I felt so sad when I had to take it off).
Anyway, it is Easter weekend and I will try to pull myself together, for my chaps’ sake as well as my own. It is going to be very warm, apparently, so even if I don’t feel well enough to go out, I may be able to sit and read in the garden instead of in bed.
I hope that you all have a good weekend.