Outfit of the day 13/08/19

I was well enough to go to the hairdresser’s and the library this morning – hooray! It was so nice to feel strong enough to select and put on a lovely set of clothing and accessories. So uplifting. And, of course, I really like having my hair done properly. The grey and white doesn’t photograph very well as the colours seem to disappear against my skin, but I am still pleased with the result. Here are the before and after photos:

Before and after my hairdresser’s appointment!

My scarf choice was the gorgeous Jaguar Quetzal by Alice Shirley for Hermès. These purple and lilac shades with denim blue, pink and yellow are simply wonderful and work well with my clothes and the Massaccesi Victoria handbag. I also wore my newish Hotter lace up shoes in polar white, which is a kind of pale greyish mauve.

Outfit of the day 13/08/19 with Hermès’ Jaguar Quetzal scarf

Today’s outfit:

  • Violet orchid cotton sleeveless vest – Lands’ End.
  • Frosted lavender cotton-mix crew neck cardigan – Lands’ End.
  • Navy linen-mix trousers – Isle Collection.
  • Crystal and silver stud earrings – John Lewis.
  • New iris leather and pale gold Vara wrap bracelet – Ferragamo. This matches the scarf’s rolled contrast hem.
  • Amethyst pebbled leather Victoria handbag – Massaccesi.
  • Silk scarf, 90cm, in mauve, violet, denim blue and yellow – Jaguar Quetzal – Hermès. Tied in an asymmetric wrap.

I am planning to write an extra long Reading Roundup post tomorrow to make up for missing last week’s.

Best wishes,

💜💜💜💜💜

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Update 12/08/19 with an explanation!

I can finally write about what happened to me last week!

This is a very full and frank account of the events which lead to my neglect of the blog last week. Please feel free to skip over the details!

After uploading last Tuesday’s post, I sat in bed and read for a while, taking my scheduled medication at 10.00 p.m. Just as I had finished doing that, a massive coughing attack hit and I dashed to the loo with my bucket, inhaler and water bottle. The coughing bout lasted around fifteen to twenty minutes, much longer than usual, and it was so fierce that I totally lost control of my body functions. I could feel my chest straining to suck in air and my ribs began to hurt. My temperature rose until I could see that my skin was a deep red. I coughed up phlegm into the bucket and was continually sick. My heart was thumping in my chest. I really thought that I had reached the end of the line.

Elder Son, alerted by my frantic bangs on the bathroom wall (Lovely Husband was playing loud music downstairs and couldn’t hear what was going on), ran into the room and tried his best to help. He was my absolute hero that evening. Usually, after a cough of this magnitude, I recover fairly quickly. I go back to bed and rest until everything has calmed down, then sleep it off. This time, unfortunately, I didn’t really recover. My heart continued to beat very hard and I felt alternately hot, then cold. I was very confused, terrified and panicking.

I am not sure of the timescale now, as I was really “out of it”, LH called an ambulance and, eventually, two paramedics arrived in a car. They were brilliant and really helped to control the situation, doing loads of checks and taking my medical history, but they realised that my heart was showing rather odd readings. To cut a long story a bit shorter, they called for an ambulance, which took a very long time to arrive. They also rang and arranged a bed for me in the hospital where I am usually monitored for my respiratory issues. In other words, I wouldn’t have to go through the A&E system.

Between us, we decided that LH should stay at home to support Elder Son (who has ASD) and so I was taken into hospital, arriving around 04.00. I was lucky enough to be put into a single room with its own toilet. The staff did the usual checks and then hooked me up to a heart monitor for the next few hours. I was still very frightened and now alone, but various people popped their heads through the door from time to time. I didn’t sleep much!

Early in the morning, at around 07.30, I was thoroughly checked over by a junior doctor who filled in what looked like a very detailed document. It was difficult to describe everything properly as I was still quite confused, traumatised and really exhausted. Usually, in similar circumstances, LH does the talking as he has a really detailed knowledge of all my health conditions. Eventually a lovely lady brought me loads of cups of tea and a nice breakfast. I then waited for a few more hours.

After discussing my condition with a consultant, it was finally agreed that I was showing bigeminy, a kind of miss-beat in the normal heart rhythm. He didn’t seem overly concerned and said that it had probably been aggravated by my cough, anxiety and an infection. I was advised that they will investigate further and that I will be contacted with a view to wearing a 48 hour heart monitor. Quite a few years ago, when I was still working, I had something similar, so we will see what results.

After this, I was discharged and LH arrived to take me back home. It took me most of the week to recover, both physically and mentally, back to my “normal” as I was so shaken up. LH and ES were both very upset, as you can imagine, and have had to deal with it all.

So, I wasn’t really up to writing blog posts! I did manage to read quite a lot, once my concentration improved. I am now reasonably OK and hope that further investigations result in reassurance for us all. I have had a few more quite serious coughing attacks in the days since, but none as bad as Tuesday night’s.

Sorry if I worried anyone. I did shout out on Facebook and my friends were very kind and supportive, as they always are. I was very frightened at the time.

I am still very scared, but am trying to blot that out by keeping my mind occupied. There is a hairdresser’s appointment to go to tomorrow, so I will try my best to get there. I also need to return and pick up some library books. Hopefully, I will be able to write a “normal” blog post tomorrow afternoon – I will have to show you my new hairdo, after all!

Very best wishes to you all,

💛💚❤️💜💙🧡

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Update 09/08/19

I have had a very difficult time since my last post on Tuesday evening. As I am still so very tired, I will wait until Monday to write a full post explaining what has been going on. For now, I will just say that we are all a bit unsettled and upset but OK.

I hope that you all have a great weekend.

Best wishes,

🧡❤️💜💙💚💛

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Update 06/08/19 with a confession

Quite a long time ago, March 2018 in fact, I wrote a very difficult post. I will quote some of it now…

I have written many times over the last year about my list of chronic conditions and have detailed what my worst coughing attacks are like. Readers will be aware that I live every day, every hour and every minute, terrified that a severe cough will suddenly grab me by the throat and that I will have to dash to the bathroom with my bottle of water and sick bucket. I then sit on the loo, fighting for each breath, hoping that I will survive. Yes, it all sounds very dramatic and maybe overblown, but this is my life.

This is leading up to something that I am going to admit in public for the first time. In fact, I have only just told my immediate family. I take a range of medicine for all of my conditions, and to counteract the side effects of some of these very medications! For the cough specifically, I take morphine in a very low dose as one of its side effects is that it works as a cough suppressant. This is fairly effective, but I cannot take any extra tablets if I feel a bad cough coming on. To help with this, I also have Codeine Linctus, which is a well known cough medicine, that you can often get over the counter, although I have it on prescription. As I am so scared, virtually all of the time, I have become over-dependent on the codeine linctus. I began to realise that I have been taking far too much of it over quite a long time.

So, I am admitting here that I am trying to cut down on the codeine. It is very difficult for me and I have thought very hard and long about writing this. I feel very ashamed, but want to try to face this and get control again. I hope that, by speaking out, I will be able get a grip on myself and not reach for the medicine bottle when I get nervous.

I really did try to cut down on the Codeine Linctus, but, in the end, was unsuccessful and continued to take too much. I am only supposed to take it “as needed” but, instead, I found myself drinking it straight out of the bottle instead of carefully measuring the doses. I was not taking it when a cough threatened, but using it as a prop. I am very ashamed of myself.

Last week, when Lovely Husband and I were on our own, I finally confessed to him what I was doing. It was very hard because he had been telling me that he thought I was taking too much and at the wrong time, but I had argued with him vociferously, denying it all. I was trying to fool both him and myself. What really made me change was reading about codeine addiction and side effects and coming to the realisation that some of my symptoms might be made worse by the codeine, rather than better. Things like tiredness, feeling spaced out, dizziness, stomach issues, for example.

So, I have started the process of cutting down slowly. I am measuring out the correct doses properly, not cutting down too fast, but making a steady effort to take back control. I will talk about this with my counsellor on Friday. Also, I am making sure that LH is fully aware of what I am doing and I am leaving the bottle in the bathroom, rather than in my bedroom, so that he can see how slowly the bottle is emptying.

Despite my feelings of intense shame, I am also writing about this on here as a way of facing up to what I am doing. I hope that visitors to the blog will understand what is happening and will continue to visit for the more positive posts that I try to write.

That’s all for now.

Best wishes,

💚❤️💜💙🧡💛

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Update 05/08/19

I had a very good weekend, but have been ill today so cannot really write. It is Younger Son’s birthday and the first one where he hasn’t been with us, so that feels rather strange. I hope that I feel better tomorrow!

Best wishes,

💚💜❤️💙🧡

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Outfit of the day 02/08/19

I am feeling pretty pleased because I actually made it to my counselling appointment and, afterwards, we went to a pub for lunch! This feels like a really positive achievement 😁😁😁.

I really needed the counselling as I had a lot to talk through. This week has been very peaceful with Elder Son away, but he will soon be back and I need to be prepared for his “enthusiasm” when he returns tomorrow. He will need loads of hugs and also to tell me all about his adventures in great detail. That can get very exhausting, judging by previous experiences, and I need to be strong so that I can fully engage with him.

We tried out a new place for lunch. It was so lovely to be out together and we had such a great time chatting to each other. The food, however, was slow, meagre and very badly cooked, apart from the chips, which were scrumptious! We will not be going back as there are loads of nice places to eat around here that we have discovered over the eighteen years we have lived in the area.

I chose a very bright and cheerful outfit, based on this cute Hermès Bibliothèque gavroche, which I have often shown on here. I really love the combination with cobalt blue.

Outfit of the day 02/08/19 with Hermès’ Bibliothéque gavroche

Today’s outfit:

  • Cobalt blue cotton mix short sleeved top – Lands’ End.
  • Navy linen mix trousers – Isle Collection.
  • Navy nubuck slip on shoes – Hotter.
  • Blue crystal and silver earrings – Sonrisa Boutique.
  • Cobalt enamel and gold Curb Chain bangle – Halcyon Days.
  • Cream enamel and gold Byzantine bangle – Halcyon Days.
  • Bluette pompei leather midi-Muse handbag – Massaccesi.
  • Silk scarf, gavroche size, in bright pink, blue, green, yellow and orange – Bibliothèque – Hermès. Tied in a simple cowboy knot using my lengthening device.

The weather is lovely at the moment. Not too hot, but sunny and quite fresh. I hope that you all have a really wonderful weekend, wherever in the world you are.

Best wishes,

💙💙💙💙💙

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Update 01/08/19 with a big Oops!

Can you believe it! I actually forgot to write a post today. My book was so absorbing that I couldn’t put it down. Then I had my dinner, did my usual evening random blog and forum reading, and answered some emails. A few minutes ago, I was trying to remember something that was in the back of my mind. Something I needed to do…

Oops!

Best wishes,

🧡💚💛💜💙❤️

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